BARBARIAN QUEEN (1985)

Lana Clarkson plays Amethea, about to marry prince Argan (Zagarino) when bandits rape her sister Taramis (Dunlap), slaughter most of the others, and kidnap the men, including Zagarino. Amethea and her female warrior pals Estrild (Shea) and the unfortunately named Tiniara (Traverso) set about a rescue mission. Insert lots of nudity, a sword through the neck (ouch!), and kinky medieval torture devices.
Am I the only one still hoping that one of these days they’re gonna resurrect Xena: Warrior Princess for a big screen excursion? (Preferably an R-rated one, but maybe that’s just me) Well, if they did make a Xena film, and they aren’t likely to, they could do a lot worse than to follow the example of this film. It’s not perfect (I prefer the Pam Grier flick The Arena for my ‘sword and boobery’ fix), but it knows what kind of film it is, and has absolutely no problems delivering the goods (there’s nudity and attempted rape in the opening three minutes, for starters). This is the film Amazons & Gladiators should’ve been and, if like me you grew up on sword and sorcery films like The Beastmaster (my personal favourite, I’ve never much liked the first Conan film and hate Excalibur) and The Sword and the Sorcerer, this might entertain you for a bit. In fact, if I had’ve seen this when I was sixteen, it would’ve been my Valhalla. Now at age 25, it’s quite watchable on a no-brainer level.

The late Lana Clarkson (hopefully better known for this than for being murdered at Phil Spector’s home) is in the lead here and is quite striking to look at, if not a very good actress. The brunette Susana Traverso, as one of her comrades, is also very fetching, and I absolutely loved the oddball torturer guy (who acts like a supporting player in a Jesus Franco flick, in fact, it’s the kind of role Franco would often give to himself) who puts Clarkson up on the rack, in the film’s most infamous scene. He’s far more memorable than the main villain, uninterestingly essayed by Arman Chapman.
Trivia buffs might want to note that Titanic composer James Horner (who also did the score for another 80s cult classic Battle Beyond the Stars, along with my favourite Trek film The Search for Spock, and one of my favourite Schwarzenegger films Commando) and Christopher Young contribute the catchy but somewhat monotonous music score, with Horner previously composing the score to another underrated sword and sorcery film, 1983’s Krull. If I were to have one gripe with the film, and it is a fairly serious one (as opposed to say, bad acting, which is beside the point), it would be the direction. It’s fast-paced, but the action scenes in particular just don’t inspire as much excitement as they should, the film never really takes off like one expects it to. Still, the cast is gorgeous and there’s lots of T&A throughout although Prism Leisure's presentation of the film is missing around 6 minutes from the original 1985 Medusa.

As would seem appropriate for a budget DVD title, you get very little else to shout about in the special features department. There is a bunch of cast filmographies as well as a trailer for the TV remake of Humanoids from the Deep, but that's your lot I'm afraid.