FEAST (2005)

“If you people don't want to die you'll do what I say and you'll do it fast!”

These words introduce the character called Hero (Eric Dane, Gray's Anatomy) as he bursts into the isolated tavern that's the setting for Feast. Things start happening fast after he makes his pronouncement: there are several monsters of unidentified origin hot on his trail. A tavern full of humans would be a meal, a repast, a buffet, a banquet, well, a feast.
Feast was financed through Matt Damon and Ben Affleck's Project Greenlight and has an astonishing twenty credited producers including Wes Craven and the Weinstein brothers, formerly of Miramax. With this many people looking over his shoulder it's a wonder that freshman director John Gulager managed to get anything done. The basic plot (described on the commentary as a submarine film) places random characters in a state of siege without help from outside agencies. The people are such stock characters that screenwriters Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton don't bother giving them names. As they are introduced we see title cards identifying them and giving trivia and life expectancy. Cute. But cute isn't what the film needs. It's an untidy blend of horror and comedy. Sam Raimi's zero budget masterpiece The Evil Dead has been referred to as The Three Stooges in Hell. That's what Gulager shoots for here, but he's no Raimi.

Admittedly this might have been more effective had I seen it in a theatre. People piously declare that they haven't been out to a film for years since getting their DVD players. Bull. These people obviously have neither dogs nor children, or else do their watching between two and four in the morning. Although it's often too dark to see what's happening Feast is well visualized and the use of sound is effective. Gulager did the re-recording at Skywalker Ranch. Both times I watched Feast with headphones and the sound quality is excellent, probably the best use of sound for fright effects since Signs.
There's a great cast here, even if they aren't given much to do besides run, scream, bleed, fall down, roll on the floor, and vomit on cue. The commentary track shows that the various people gathered together have little to say to each other and less to say about what's happening on the screen. I got the feeling that they'd just have soon been somewhere else. There's a 'making of' short, deleted scenes, and- a rarity- an alternate ending that, in my humble opinion, works far better than the one used in the final cut.

Most of the actors involved have gone on to bigger and better thing. The authors will be writing the fourth installment of the Saw series. Director John Gulager, though, seems to be the forgotten man here. That's a shame. As of January 2007 this is his first and only directing credit. If Gulager and the authors could have pursued their own vision, I think that Feast might have ended up playing in theatres. Pallid remakes like Black Christmas at least get distribution, even if they play to empty auditoriums. As is, though, the material is too familiar and the characterizations too flat. Instead of the expected feast, we get leftovers.