OPEN WATER (2003)

After a long-hard week at work, making the effort to check the latest offerings at the cinema certainly helps to alleviate some pressure from our everyday lives. Being a natural horror/thriller fanatic I was soon to rejoice in the knowledge of Open Water gracing the screens….. or did I? Well to be honest I wish I had never bothered. In retrospect this really is the kind of thing Horizon could have put together for the BBC, but in a truncated and much more interesting form, so I have aptly re-titled the film, Open Slaughter, because after about half an hours viewing, including the five or so minutes of credits, one would almost certainly have an urge to totally annihilate this movie!

Hailed as a cross between Blair Witch and Jaws, more realistically Be-witched and David Attenborough’s Blue Planet, this 'B' movie('B' because it should be filed under 'B' as in the receptacle for storing waste products!) should be watched by those who enjoy a whole one and a half hours of two people treading water. Sounds like a typical ‘Over 80’s Synchronised Swimming Group’ performance to me!
The viewer is lead into a false sense of hope with such memorable moments as when the captain, who so obviously failed his GCSE Maths Exam or desperately needs a trip to the local opticians, miscounts his party, then realises a few days later there's a spare bag on the boat!

At around the half-way mark there was even the brief chance of excitement via the inclusion of a tanker, oh yes, and a large disintegrating black one at that, giving the viewer a momentary change of view from ‘la mer bleue profonde’ and then we move on to the somewhat obligatory, storm sequence, which started (and ended) abruptly with, in an almost English-esq kind of way, small segment of thunder and lightning.

Thoughts of some giant Tsunami taking shape and the possibility of subsequent manoeuvres that would surely make world champion surfer, Kelly Slaters’ ring twitch entered the mind but swiftly flew out of the orifices as it was instantly ascertained that more excitement would be had in reading the latest edition of Petroleum Collectibles Monthly instead.
Like many others I can imagine, I approached this film with a some degree of trepidation, especially after seeing the preview, and even at that stage I couldn’t help but wonder which direction, if any, the film was to go. It wasn’t long before I ascertained that it was actually going downwards in a distinct spiraling motion! The major problem with the film was that there were too many ‘openers’ that lead the viewer to think something major was about to happen only to lead to nothing. A few examples are given here: The couple are on board the boat heading out to its destination, it then grinds to a halt and conversations ensue amongst the party, then the camera pans in on some gas tanks which initially made me think of the possibility of a John Woo moment in some typically OTT gigantic explosion – wrong! Then there’s that infamous tanker sequence where I imagined the couple being taken aboard then to meet their peril by encountering some inhumane beast – wrong! The final insult came via the weather where the viewer was indeed treated to a few thunder and lightning effects. Was this expanded on, I should Cocoa…. 5 minutes of rumblings, then as previously mentioned an abrupt switch over to a beautiful sunset…. Oh come on!

The only plus point in the production is the Graeme Revell film score, and it’s a great shame to see such talent wasted.

I cannot recommend this film at all – even if you’re desperate for a night out away from the sofa. In this day and age of CGI and intense action flicks this film just fails to keep the viewer motivated and/or inspired. Not taking things personally I have one piece of advice for the director….. get a life for gods’ sake - Take a leaf out of Spielberg's’ book!

Right I’m off to have a bath!!!

Score

3 / 10