Reviewed By
Ryan McDonald

Analysis
Proof that not all remakes (Re-imagination you say? Ha! Don‘t be Daft) suck, but this 2001 film, like the 2000 remake of “Shaft” had it’s work cut out for it in my view. The original “Planet of the Apes”, even more so than the original “Shaft” is one of my all-time favourite films, and I could see no reason (other than the obvious monetary one) why a remake was necessary- even the makeup used in the original still holds up (the make-up itself as a technology may be archaic to some people- not me, but like the miniatures and rubber suits in a “Godzilla“ movie or the stop-motion of Ray Harryhausen, the actual use of the technology still holds up very well). But also like said modern blaxploitation film it manages to overcome its lack of necessity for being, due to sheer popcorn entertainment value. Add to that a talented and distinct director in Tim Burton, and one helluva cast and you have one of the more entertaining films from mainstream Hollywood in recent years.

There aren’t a whole lot of grievances I have with this film outside of remakes generally being the Devil’s Spawn (even more so than sequels and prequels), so I’ll address some of these sore points first. Be warned, that one of these grievances is a huge spoiler for anyone who hasn’t seen the film, so PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

The major problem with the film can be attributed easily to the lead actor, Mark Wahlberg. Mark has never been a terribly expressive actor, his main ‘face’ is one of brooding and street-toughness, which worked rather well in “The Yards”, but is all wrong for this film. I appreciate that he’s tried to go the opposite route of Charlton Heston here, but there are two problems with this; 1) I like Chuck. His performance in the original is still to this day wrongly diagnosed as unintentional cheese and all bluster. Of course it‘s a self-righteous and blustery routine, and it was perfect for the character of a high-and-mighty, American earthling who was about to get a reality-check. Sure, Chuck himself probably didn’t play the role for satire, but if he did, it wouldn’t have been nearly as effective. Whether it’s Wahlberg’s choice or if Burton suggested it, the decision to play the character (admittedly not the same guy Heston played, but c’mon, a name change hides nothing) entirely seriously does not come off at all. Wahlberg’s reaction to his situation- dude, apes are talking and riding horses and you just want to find a way to get off the planet?- is almost non-existent. Thus, the awe, and the eventual, emotional kick in the guts, is entirely missing. Wahlberg treats the whole thing as though it were merely a minor annoyance. Dude, this isn’t Gallipoli, and you didn’t just land on the wrong side of the beach. I know that it’s set in the future and that Wahlberg’s character hangs around monkeys all day, but c’mon, a little emotion wouldn’t have hurt. Wahlberg doesn’t kill the film or anything, but in the majority of the films he appears in, you just get the feeling that he’s a non-entity who could just as easily be replaced by someone else (My suggestion would‘ve been Schwarzenegger- a role perfectly suited to his limitations- which are fewer than people give him credit for, but it would‘ve needed to have been made circa 1991, he was too old by 2001 for this sort of thing).

The second problem with the film is the rather disappointing screenplay, and here’s just about where the spoilers come in. Firstly though, a minor gripe- the love triangle that wasn’t. Look, I wasn’t exactly looking for some bestiality action here, but we all heard it was a possibility, and what is left on the screen is both underwhelming and underdone. There’s a hint of an attraction between Davidson and one of the human slaves (Estella Warren, clearly chosen for her expertise as a synchronised swimmer), and Helena Bonham-Carter’s sympathetic animal (human) rights activist character also seems to be fond of Leo, but the hints are even more obscure than I feared they would be, to the point of near non-existence. So why NOT just remove it altogether? Why just leave a half-arsed hint here and there and have absolutely NO pay-off? Geez, the original “Planet of the Apes” at least had a daring-for-its-time kiss between man and ape, but the modern version cops out.

And then there’s the logic in the ending. Look, I loved the ending, actually, it’s a great “Twilight Zone”-like moment, that is apparently close to Pierre Boulle’s novel “Monkey Planet”, the inspiration for the first Apes film. But there is one aspect of it that makes no sense. You forgot about the horsies, didn’t you Mr. Burton? Still, it’s a wild and amusing ending anyway, the audacity itself needs to be applauded if you ask me. ***END SPOILER, BUT C’MON, YOU SHOULD’VE SEEN THE FILM BY NOW!***

But enough negative talk, let’s accentuate the positive for a change (and it’s definitely a change for a curmudgeon like me). Warts and all, this is a fun, and visually (and aurally) persuasive film that shouldn’t fail to entertain you (And let‘s face it, the fact that Burton is even trying to engage our minds, however much he fails, is admirable in this age of “The Fast and the Furious“, “Mr. Deeds“ and the era in which people regard Baz Luhrmann‘s “Romeo + Juliet“ as the like-totally-definitive-y‘all screen version of the Bard‘s play- and yes, I‘m aware I‘m crapping on one of my own countrymen, I don‘t care).

Beginning with the…er…beginning, the film opens with one of the most interesting title sequences I’ve seen in quite a while (it’s an art form you don’t see as much these days), and is accompanied by one of the best scores Danny Elfman has ever composed. It may not be as unorthodox as Jerry Goldsmith’s, but Elfman’s thunderous score sets the film on the right course from the beginning.

Then we have the makeup, which aside from Helena Bonham-Carter’s weird lemon meringue job, is superlative. Whilst I still enjoy the makeup in the original, Rick Baker’s work here is great, creating easily distinguishable ape characters- especially great is Tim Roth’s Thade, he really does look like an ape. But the makeup would be nothing without the performances (they even walk like apes in addition to looking like them, unlike the human-esque apes of the original), and Tim Roth stands head and shoulders above all others as the seething, militaristic, man-hating Gen. Thade. Roth hasn’t been this good in years, and his ferocious performance may well have been the best villainous performance of the year (tied with Christopher Lee’s Saruman for “Fellowship of the Ring”, of course). Helena Bonham-Carter had her work cut out for her, though; 1) The makeup just didn’t work for me, as I’ve already stated, and 2) I can’t stand her as an actress and do not find her the slightest bit attractive. Who would’ve guessed that she’d make for a perfect chimp? She gives a quirky, but warm and likeable performance. Paul Giamatti steals all of his scenes, meanwhile, as the orang-utan huckster Limbo, who sells humans for a living, but ends up being not-so bad a monkey, albeit a spineless one. Two of my favourites, though, were the extremely well-cast Michael Clarke Duncan (and I’m talking about his size and booming voice, not making a racist comment AT ALL) and a surprisingly good turn by B-grade martial-arts villain Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa. Duncan plays a dutiful, religious gorilla warrior Attar, who is pretty much Thade’s right-hand man, albeit a more honourable man than Thade. Tagawa is his main rival, the wise old former warrior Krull, who looks after Bonham-Carter’s Ari, and is suspicious of her new human friend. David Warner plays Ari’s dignitary father, Burton regular Glenn Shadix (remember Associate Bob from the sorely underrated “Demolition Man”?) plays a pompous grossly overweight ape (a stretch no doubt), and Charlton Heston, looking suitably like death plays Thade’s dying father (and sadly Heston is having a hard time of it in real-life these days too- he‘s a sorely underrated actor), who is important to the film’s plot, and gets to deliver the film’s most groan-inducing line (similar to a line he had in the original film). Of the humans, look for a quick cameo by the original slave girl Linda Harrison, but other than that you’ve got Kris Kristofferson and Estella Warren, waiting around for someone to give them something remotely interesting to say or do. Sorry, but the monkeys are the whole show here, and what a show they provide!

Key Area	Rating (out of 5)	Comment
Action		Mostly confined to the film’s climax which features a wonderful battle of ape vs. human and ape vs. ape. It’s like “Last of the Chimpanzees” or “Chimpheart“ (hey, didn‘t that star Marisa Tomei?).
Tension		A dark, unusual look and a few jump scenes keep one on edge, but Wahlberg’s nonchalance at his surroundings hurts it a bit.
Violence/ Gore		No blood as it were, but a lot more ape butt-kicking and battle scenes than one might expect.
Bare Flesh	None	Warren wears a cave girl garb that isn’t all that revealing, but do you really want nudity in a film mostly about apes?
Plot		Earns points for marching to its own slightly bent beat, but as has been stated, the ending doesn’t quite come off.

Verdict No world-beater, but a fun movie, and if that’s all you want, then this is just the movie for you. A better leading man might’ve help, but it’s fine enough on its own.

Movie Pictures (Click picture to enlarge)