RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD: NECROPOLIS (2005)

After a lengthy break, the Return of the Living Dead series was revived last year with Necropolis, the viewing of which I anticipated quite warmly. Although the flick never made it to cinemas, for me, as I've stated before, that's often no bad thing. In this case, however, I'm surprised that Necropolis not only failed to make the big screen but didn't do a roaring trade, considering the box office successes of certain horror movies in recent years; it's blatantly bad enough to appeal to the majority of moronic, mislead or just hopeful viewers, who actually paid hard earned cash to see some of the remade junk doing the rounds.

I’m being facetious I know, but for my money, most of the current spate of remakes are destroying the legacy of classic horror movies, from Dawn of the Dead or The Fog, to The Hills Have Eyes and even The Grudge. Anyway, in the case of Necropolis, the shoddy plot casts a group of dirt bike riding teenagers against a multi-national corporation when one of their number Cody (Cory Hardrict) is abducted for unwilling participation in a top secret weapons research programme. Unsurprisingly, the research involves use of the reanimated dead, with devious researcher Charles Garrison (Peter Coyote) attempting to fashion them into an army of mini-gun toting, undead Rambos.
Led by the effeminate Julian (John Keefe), who eventually learns that his deceased parents have been turned into zombies by Garrison, who is also his uncle, the youths are guilty of the most heinous of anti-social behaviour as they infiltrate a maximum-security laboratory to rescue their friend. They manage this not so inconsiderable feat of espionage thanks to bookworm Becky (Aimee-Lynn Chadwick) and bimbo Mimi (Diana Munteanu), who respectively manage to stymie and seduce the security guard, allowing Becky a free hand to guide Julian and co through the building. With Cody released, the gang head for safety only for Becky to accidentally shut off the power and release all the zombies in the lab; isn’t it strange how these multi million dollar research facilities never plan for a power outage, security breach or even take the simple measure of fitting zombie holding pens with conventional padlocks? Or is tired, unimaginative storytelling more culpable than the fictional multinational who fail to employ adequate backup measures at their top secret installation. Either way, the gates open and the zombies spill out, doing what they do best; if you can manage to get through the first 70 minutes or so, it's almost worth the wait. One of the things about Necropolis I just couldn’t get my head around was the casting; it's just terrible. Additionally, perhaps those responsible for the script have a lot to answer for, with some ill contrived, inappropriate and just downright stupid dialogue, but whilst watching, I just couldn't shake the feeling that this movie is more or less Elkayem's take on a more juvenile Friends with zombies, featuring even worse acting, and poorer, more infrequent gags.
The original, Return of the Living Dead, was an excellent film, combining indestructible zombies with some great onscreen performances, particularly from the hapless James Karen. The first sequel was a little off the mark but featured some memorable moments, such as the 'hot potato zombie hand in a car' sequence, culminating in the severed appendage flipping the bird to the terrified fleeing survivors. Even the third movie, poor at best and lacking the comedy element that the original benefited from so much, had a hot zombie chick. But Necropolis has much, much less, settling for a brainless rehash combining elements of its predecessors, Resident Evil: Nemesis and the aforementioned American shitcom. It's just such a poor film, which is left choking on the dust of brilliant zombie flicks such as Dead Meat or Meat Market which, although probably made on a fraction of Necropolis budget, more than bridge the economic gap with simple tools such as creativity and imagination.

Searching for positives amongst the dross, there are times when the blood flows quite freely as the undead go on the rampage and it's quite satisfying when the archetypal middle class American brat nicknamed 'Pyro' buys the farm. However, barring extremely exceptional circumstances such as Zombie Doom or Zombie '90, gore and gore alone just can't save a film as bad as this from stinking worse than a reanimated cadaver. The forthcoming Rave from the Grave, the fifth installment of the 'Return...' movies, will have to be a corker to save the series from mundane obscurity.