SPLATTER UNIVERSITY (1984)

Eighties horror is often looked upon with a teary eye by those old enough to remember the home video boom and all those unregulated gore flicks that swamped the market. Those were cherished times, especially for a 12 year old just on the pinnacle of horror enlightenment, such as I was in 1984. Why 1984 you ask yourself? Because this was the year that ‘Splatter University’ saw the light of day and, had my visit to the video shop involved renting this little gem, who knows what I would be watching in my spare time because you can bet your bottom dollar it wouldn’t be horror film! Popularity for the home horror market was so great back then, that just about any detritus could get made into a film for the masses, and not only was it punishment enough on VHS the first time around but we now get the bloody thing on DVD. Marvellous!

Splatter University tells the story of a perverse psychopath who escapes from the local mental hospital and runs amok through the University campus by brutally murdering the staff and students. As the mutilations spread into the surrounding town, everyone becomes a suspect and it’s up to Julie, the new college teacher, to track down the twisted fiend who is responsible for these heinous crimes.
Its all very easy to poke fun at eighties styles and fashions now that we are all in the ultra cool 21st century, but watching Splatter University is akin to touring the archives of ancient history such is the freakish appearance and behaviour of our group of idiotic high school sacrifices. The huge curly perms and floppy mullets of yesteryears hair styles clash hideously with garish tank tops and long pleated skirts making this look as old as the story has now become. ‘Scream’, ‘The Faculty’ and ‘Cherry Falls’ are all recent examples of horrors based in and around high schools, but back in the mid eighties this was a path that was fairly lightly trodden and respect is due for the effort, but the story is simply dull, lifeless and predictable. Despite several clumsy attempts to throw the viewer off the scent of the real killer, it is way too obvious who is wielding the knife and slicing their way through the idiotic faculty and students. The mix of murder and college especially in an eighties movie might have you pondering the films merits based not on story but on its gore and skin content. For all you shallow enough to care (welcome to my world!) the infrequent gore isn’t all that bad, despite several rather dodgy looking attacks, the latter part of the film exhibit a couple of gruesome moments such as the slaughtered teacher in the bathroom cubicle. As for the T&A content, give it up, if it’s the only reason you might watch this movie then move up a shelf my friend.
Written, co-produced and directed by Richard W. Haines in his debut production, Haines went on to have a hand in several now cult Troma projects including ‘The Toxic Avenger’ and ‘Class of Nukem High’ before disappearing in early 2001. Having seen both these movies, I can see some similarities in Haines work including the employment of awful actors and a complete disregard for reality and in trashy comedies like Toxic and Nukem you can get away with this kind of thing but in a dead-pan serious horror like Splatter its unforgivable.

It perhaps comes as no surprise that Elite Entertainment have spent little time garnishing their DVD release with in-depth interviews or amusing cast/crew commentaries which, to be honest, probably won’t be seen or heard by too many people. The DVD packaging does have a very eye catching cover though, proudly displaying a pretty cheerleader about to experience a serious stain problem, but it’s a real shame that the film doesn’t deliver anything nearly as exciting as the image on the box.

Score

2 / 10